Ok do you see that big, disgusting, gawdy thing in the picture?....No, no, no not HIM, thats my husband mowing the yard, look beyond him past the immense spans of water to the wooden dock there. This is where my story begins for todays entry.
My husband and I, when we can brave the dew and sauna-like conditions on most weekend mornings, like to sit out on the enclosed patio and drink coffee, talk about the meaning of life and, of course, make fun of our neighbours. This morning was actually a very pleasant morning. There is some cold front that is daring to try to make its way through our area and along with the time change last night ( yes we survived it none-the-worse for wear) this brave little front made its way through...although I hear that it is about to turn "Benedict Arnold" on us and in the days to come this very same cold front plans to reverse direction march back through our area to the north as a warm front. I hate fronts.
So we were sitting out there minding our own biz when the neighbour that belongs to this ocean worthy dock decides to wander out and putter around on it. We were too far away to see what he was doing, however (much to our despair) we were not too far away to see his erm...physique... stuffed into something between a speedo and short shorts.
Said neighbour is probably around our age (middle age 50 something) and has the body to prove it. Not only does he believe in bigger is better when it comes to his boat dock he also seems to have this philosophy concerning his belly. The dock is something of an eye sore? I guess would be the term. Oh it is kept in nice shape, but we have a lake here the size of a large swimming pool, the dock this good ol' boy decided to build belongs on a intra-coastal waterway leading out to the ocean or the ocean itself. He even has a boat-lift and moaring for a boat with an actual boat in it. I have a feeling that if he drops the boat in the water that it will run aground quite quickly so he just leaves it dangling there for all the world to see how financially well-off he must be. Thing is it is laughable.
So we finished our neighbour bashing and moved on to other more note worth topics one of which being that my husband in all his twelve years here in the United States has never properly experienced a true Halloween, up to and including last night. I just was not in the mood...being new to the neighbourhood and all, knowing that we would probably not get many trick or treaters, and the thoughts of the choodles barking non-stop for the 3-4 hour trick or treat time just left me "bah-humbug" about the whole thing. But when he told me that I felt a little guilty. Everyone, even a bloke from Small Town, New Zealand, should experience a real USA Halloween at least once in his/her life.
So the wheels in my head started to turn...not easy and there are a few squeeks associated with the wheels in my head but I started planning next years Halloween. All to benefit the Hubs of course. Thoughts of speedo-clad neighbour began to infiltrate my mind as much as I begged them not to and instead of my neighbour I began to see my husband in that sort of a costume. So here is the scenario for next Halloween:
We will set up a lounge chair (beach type) on the driveway, draped in a brightly coloured beach towel and a beach umbrella over it. Sand is in abundance here so might dig up a bit of that to add to the um...ambiance. Husby will dress in the appropriately choosen (by me of course) speedo, either red or blue, but defo something eye catching and of course like most middle aged men in a speedo it will be at least one size too small. We will oil him up and put zinc oxide on his nose and a cute little brimmed hat on his head for added effect. Sunglasses as well.
He is to hand out candy in this manner. Of course the real trick will be to actually find some kids who are brave enough to actually come within the few feet of him it will take to do the trick or treating. But I think I can bribe a few if I start working on it now.
Needless to say I think he is sorry he brought the while thing up...
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