This being the last day of the year I thought that this day of all days deserves a post on the blog.
New Years Eve is a time of reflecting and I have to be honest with you all, I am not all that jazzed about reflecting on the past year.
Each year as take down the Christmas tree I place all the fragile ornaments in their holders/tubs/wrappings, usually the last thing to go is the angel at tree top. As I remove her I wonder to myself what will my life be like the next time I see her, lately I add to that wonderment the question, "will I even be around next Christmas?". I think that it is a legitimate question when you reach the half century mark and beyond, especially when I think to myself that my late husband was just 50 when he died. In a few short months I will be older then he ever was. He died just a week shy of his 51st birthday. That is a strange feeling since he was always older then me by 6 years. So my own sense of immortality is called to the forefront as I march into this year. Don't ask - if you are not a widow you won't really get it, like most things having to do with widowhood its a "had to be there" situation if ever there was one.
Warning off topic rant below......
In the widowhood community there is a label given to non-widows, and that is "DGI" aka "Don't Get Its" for the most part it is a very appropriate label, but the widow community tends to be overly sensitive and tends to label anyone who attempts to make us feel better and falls short simply because they don't know what to do, as a DGI. And it is not always used as a nice thing. Widows like to isolate and elevate themselves. They want to think that they belong to an exclusive club that no one can get membership to unless their SO has died, and that is ok and true mostely - but some widows look down their noses at non-widows and like to chatter amongst themselves about how no one can POSSIBLY understand, so why even try "just keep your mouths shut and leave me alone"...of course these are the same widows who get very upset with the people in their lives (non-widows) who don't call them/come over/do things for them, in other words they DO leave them alone - so it is a can't win for losing situation.
Anyway, I have a lot of thoughts running through my head. This is probably the worst Christmas/New Years I have ever spent in my life in so many ways I will not list - it is too depressing to see the words pour out of my head onto something as tangible as this blog. Don't get me wrong, my life has not been a bed of roses, I have had one or two of these things happen to me during many of the holidays of my life, but all of them at once? Never happened, so I am a bit overwhelmed right now and attempting to keep a common sense approach to things - but it is hard.
I hope that at least one of the things (and there are quite a few of them) that is making this a rough time for me manages to change this new year. I would appreciate it if you would also hope that for me as well.
Thanks for reading and hope everyone has a wonderful celebration and new year.