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Diabetic Induced Anger and Frustration


GOD DAMNIT I AM MAD!!





I am mad and I am hungry. Nothing new with that statement, millions of people all over the world, every moment of every day probably utter that statement..

But, I AM hungry! So go eat! :sigh: Were it that easy...

You see, my hunger/food processing mechanism is badly damaged. Food has become the enemy to me and the really depressing part is that it will always be this way. I have reached a point of no return.

We are mammals, we need food to sustain us. I am no different, what is different is that I cannot just go to the kitchen and grab something. food has become an experiment and I am the guinea pig. Mindless eating is no longer possible and I absolutely long for those carefree days. Its disheartening and frustrating to live this way. We, as human beings have pleasure centers in our brains. One of these pleasure centers is the ability to eat that which we truley enjoy and want to taste. We want to eat the things that taste good and feel satiated when we are done with a meal.

I am allergic to carbohydrates and my allergic reaction manifests itself in high glucose readings. This has a system wide effect. Nerves, organs, muscles are all effected by my high blood sugar. My body no longer produces the things that I need to deal with the things i shove in my mouth.

Insulin is a tricky thing and I must manually inject insulin in an effort to live a semi-normal life for a semi-normal length of time.

I used to chide my husband for his anger towards his diabetes. He is dead now and I find myself feeling more and more what he must have felt; a deep resentment to the disease, to my body and to those people around me who don't have this problem.

I want to be healthy - well most of the time I want to be healthy, other times I just want to ignore my broken system and eat what I want.

No one else in my family, save for some non-blood relatives, have diabetes, why did it have to hone in on me? What did I do?? Ugh I hate this "oh woe is me" way of thinking....Come to think of it, I hate most everything tonight.

End rant.

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