So Much for Positive Thinking

Reading back through the last few posts I am realizing what a whiney baby I have become!




Its true, but chronic diseases such as diabetes tend to do that to you. I get fed up, I do. I get tired and old with the routine that comes with attempting to manage this disease. Sometimes I don't even want to look at food because I can't just shove it in my gob and forget about it. I have to analyze it, read labels, plan, decide if it is worth eating, and if it is, how much of it I can eat. Its exhausting. It makes an otherwise very comforting and enjoyable moment in the day and turns it into a science experiment. And its not just once a day you are playing mad scientist, its AT LEAST 3 times a day, every day, every week of every month of every year for as long as I walk this earth. So blah, sue me for whining sometimes.

Now, I really have something to whine about - look away if you are done with my self-pity....

My poor pancreas has finally given up and called it a day. It no longer produces insulin, or at the very least if might still be pumping it out, but at minimal levels - certainly not enough to sustain a healthy human being. I am now insulin dependent.

From the moment I was diagnosed 15 years ago, I dreaded saying that phrase. It always felt so tasteless in my mouth, so final. No hope of going back to my fun and carefree days of eating what I wanted when I wanted. Its a carefree and childlike life non-diabetics live when it comes to food and I miss that so much. But those days have gone with the wind. I am now turning my eyes slowly (and stubbornly) towards a new life in which timing, counting and testing is the new normal.

I saw an endo for the first time in my life last week. I can't say that I like them very much. Mine was very brusk, almost angry at me for trying to manage this diabetic monster without insulin. She was especially testy when I told her I was diagnosed 15 years ago and never used insulin. (well that is not true, after Victoza stopped working for me, I tried a long acting insulin for a month and it didn't touch my readings, but she seemed not to hear me when I told her that, she didn't hear a lot of things I said) So it would seem that if you have been a type 2 diabetic for longer than, what maybe 2 months? Her answer is INSULIN! YOU MUST BE ON INSULIN.

She also seemed quite angry at my PCP because she dared to put me on Janumet rather than take the YOU NEED TO BE ON INSULIN approach. Whatevs. Her nurse pissed me off too. But that is a story for another time.

So I am on insulin now and it is working, so I must grudgingly admit defeat in my efforts to stay off the insulin band wagon.

So now my blog is going to transform into my insulin journey.

I started my insulin regimen on Friday and it is now Monday. I have had 2-3 significant low BS events, but I have gotten really good at recognizing the signs before I enter the zombie state. My blood sugar has been so high for so long, when I get down to anything below 100mg/dl I start to feel it. I get the shakes, sweat and can't think straight. Yesterday I made it down to 64 while I was taking a nap and woke up with a sudden panic feeling. I don't think I could have stood up out of bed to do anything, so thank god my hubby was laying next to me. He knows what brings me out of lows - orange juice. It started me thinking, what if I had been alone? I suppose it is a thought that every diabetic who risks lows thinks. So now I have to make sure I have something high in sugar, quickly digestable with me at all times. In my purse, next to my bed, in the car, etc.

As I learn how to eat and how to take my insulin, I am hoping these episodes will reduce in numbers. I know there are other factors that play into insulin in my system, such as exercise or being sick and I am going to have to learn them as I go. For now it is baby steps for me. My goal today is to keep all my readings under 200. So far so good. I am going to start logging what I eat to help me with this in the future.

Currently I am taking 25 units before bed of Lantus
10 units humolog before breakfast and lunch and 15 before dinner.

Fasting reading this am was 128
For breakfast I had bowl of oatmeal with teaspoon of brown sugar and small amount of 2% milk, 1 slice whole wheat toast with margarine and coffee with 1 packet non-dairy creamer and 1 teaspoon sweetner. I know the sweetner is bad, but it is my guilty pleasure and I won't give that up. and it looks like I don't have to.
2hr post prandal reading 156 (yay since yesterday it was 234).

I have noticed that most of my lows the last few days have come after lunch in the afternoon. I suspect I am not eating enough at lunch and will try to up the calorie intake a bit today.

Pre-lunch 85
For lunch I had handful of nuts, trail-mix and 2 crescent rolls, a few grapes.

2 Hr post prandal 107 (!) sadly I can't have candy :(

I am learning that my eating habits are going to have to drastically change. I am ok with that - today. I have triggers that, no matter how much insulin I inject, these triggers are going to have to be avoided 99% of the time in order to live a healthy life style.

I also realize I must begin to incorporate some sort of exercise program in addition to diet. My issue is my back and hip. If I had a recumbant bike, that would be ideal :) But I don't so walking is going to have to do for now. The house that we are buying is in a community that has a fitness center and I am hoping there might be more alternatives for me there. There are also 3 pools, although I am not sure if any of them are heated and it is going to cool off quite a bit before we close on the new house here in Atl.

Just thoughts rolling around in my head.

I must say I do feel a bit better than I have in months. I don't seem to be as fatigued as I was. I can actually stay away all afternoon, where I used to have to nap.

More to come ......

Good news, felt a low episode coming on and had a few grapes which brought reading up to 173 pre dinner. For dinner I had a baked potato with butter and sour cream, a couple of meatballs and some carrots and celery.

2 hours PP reading - 117

So fulfilled my goal of staying under 200 all day!

Now on to tomorrow...